I think that I was hardwired to work really hard.
But there are certainly time that I think I’m simply a product of a certain environment and generation. It felt like there was always this implied promise that if you do the right thing the, right thing will happen. So I spent a lot of time inside the commercial HVAC trying to do the right thing. I absolutely have no regrets when it came to my ethics or my efforts. Yet I ended up with a heart attack in my early 50s. It only got worse as a divorce soon followed. It kind of felt like the universe was piling on. However just sitting inside the air conditioning of my rented apartment, I’m coming to realize it just doesn’t matter. I did the best I could and tried to be happy. When I got back on my feet, I mended my heart a bit by taking a sabbatical. All winter I spent in my cabin in the woods by myself with the new love of my life. And that would be the new dog I got once my marriage was over and I was out on my own. But that winter away was so interesting. It was great heating with a wood stove. But I was also lucky to have a ductless heat pump when I would let the fire die out. It was good to spend time alone and not be afraid to just sit in my feelings. I love that cabin and I’m glad that it was such a welcome sanctuary for me last winter.